Moving Forward

So, I deactivated my Facebook account this morning. I may end up deleting it altogether but given my past patterns -- doubtful.

I'm going to become a hermit for a few weeks. Only going out for errands and such, which is what I'm doing anyway, but with more a deliberate intent behind the decision.

My goals in the days ahead are:
1) Clean the house when I can and my back allows
2) keep writing and working on scripts
3) Study Luciferianism
4) Study Photoshop and Blender

I have all I need to do these things, so today I'll be writing and possibly getting into Blender studies (Blender is a 3D animation program. I'd like to give it a shot for some ideas I would like to do in future.)

As for the Luciferian thing, yeah, the daemons have made their move on my life, hence the shadows coming to the surface, and I'm ready to meet and work with them. A bunch of stuff came up this week that I need to learn to acknowledge and not turn from.

I'm more drawn to Luciferian than Satanism, but I do enjoy looking into Satanism, too. One thing I heard on YouTube yesterday, from an interview Anton LaVey once did: "Satan is to be studied, not worshipped."

It's a philosophical way of thinking. Luciferian is a philosophy as well. Anyway, it's where the interest is, so onward and upward.

Take care and stay safe out there. Covid hasn't gone away, no matter how much people would like to wish it has.

-Jan

AdHd and the Wonderful World of Being Unfocused

So, I finally decided to seek out an official diagnosis of having ADHD.

Turns out I do have it, and they have me scheduled for a psychiatrist appointment at the beginning of July. They'll ask me some more questions and try to determine what form of treatment/medication may assist.

Problem: Lack of focus. I lose interest quite a bit in the area of listening and reading. I have to fight to read sentences, again and again, to figure out what they're trying to convey. I, many times, have to finally read the sentence out loud in order to force the focus into play.

The frustration has reached an anger level that I just get angry with people at the drop of a hat. This could be because of the Covid situation, though I'm fond of isolating myself. It could be I've isolated too much and have no means to really vent except through Facebook. Yeah, that's a real big help there. *sarcasm*.

Facebook: the negativity mine-field of Social Media.

I've gotten into two arguments this last week. I've slipped into severe Depression and, though I won't do anything because of it, some fleeting (or what the therapist who questioned me this week referred to as 'passive) suicidal thoughts. The idea of what purpose is it all for keeps shooting through my mind and I'm tired.

Even the writing is taking a break for a few days because I honestly cannot stand dealing with anything in the world right now, even my own careless whispers.

I flip-flop from back to forth between positive and negative, between spiritual paths and between anger and playing 'don't-worry-be-happy.' And I think whatever's happening in the noggin is starting to leak out instead of drip-drip out.

At the risk of sounding like I'm avoiding the world -- yeah, I am. For my own sanity.

I'll keep you all posted. If anyone out there is interested.

Moving right along.

-Jan

Making Too Much Of A Little Problem?

Moving through screenwriting books, I noticed almost all of them deal with feature film script writing. Hardly any discuss what to do for TV, unless it's comedy TV. I don't write comedy. I may have some good zingers in real life discussion, but never when it comes to facing a blank page. (I take that back. I can count on one hand when that's happened.) And there are some 'formatting' areas I can use for TV. 

But the frustration of looking for a TV script formatting book (not a book that goes over the business or how to structure a story plot -- TONS of books out there for that.) But an honest to goodness TV Script Formatting book -- I have found nothing.

However... that being said, I did get in touch with the author of "Your Cut To: Is Showing" T.J. Alex, via his website at: screenreads.com/formatting/ I asked him if he would be willing to write a book strictly for TV spec script formatting. He replied his book (mentioned above) is fine for TV formatting as well, with the exception of making the TV script (1-hour long) 4 Acts instead of 3. Well, my questions were a bit more detailed than that, and he did not answer them. But... he did sort of put things in perspective for me.

(BTW, his website link I gave above has answers at your fingertips from his book.) 

The perspective: Take what books I have:

"The Hollywood Standard" by Christopher Riley

"The Screenwriter's Bible" By David Trottier (6th Edition Expanded and Updated)

And: "Your Cut To: Is Showing" By T.J. Alex

(I'm also getting: "Screenplay Format Made (Stupidly) Easy" By Michael Rogan)

I also have books by Barb Doyon: Extreme Screenwriting (see my sidebar), and Extreme Screenwriting - Television Writing.

There's some more I'd like to get for the library reference shelf. I've been told by my friends, Dawn and Jennifer, that the 'Save The Cat' series gives good insight, too. Lots to learn, but... I have to remember, story plotting for my scripts has been done. I can make them better, no doubt, so the information on that angle will be valuable, but my main focus for the moment is 'formatting.' The above three books mentioned about can help. Certain detailed info. I can't find (Page counts per acts is something I've not read about, but maybe with streaming channels now, as well as cable stations who might want to take my dark material, I won't need to worry about that. I've read the 'Stranger Things' pilot. No act breaks. Literal continual 'streaming' of story.)

So... maybe I'm making too much of a little thing... maybe it's just my need to get the details down. After all, being an unknown in this business, I want to make a good first impression by at least knowing how to format a script properly. But maybe the books I've mentioned will help me and I'm too tunnel-vision-minded to see that I can simply 'transpose' the formatting tips to that of TV scripts and do the best I can with what information I've been given.

It may not be a problem at all, and I'm only turning it into one because I don't know enough about the process to 'not worry about it.' 

With that as my new plan, I went into some of those books above and marked the areas I need to work on with post-it-notes and highlighters. Today, I forget the worries of how to properly format an actual TV Pilot, Mini-Series, Stand-alone movie, or a simple episode script, and just take what I have and work from there. I'll get there.

Besides, my current spiritual path prompts me to 'think for myself.' No reason I can't utilize that philosophy in this area. 😆

Write On, People!

-Jan

The More I Learn, The More I WANT To Learn...

Poor the Coffee!!!

As I move through getting the focus for my scripts sharper, I have two friends who are working towards the same goal. One in particular is researching books I never even thought to read. Dawn is an inspiration! Our friend, Jennifer, is someone who wants to 'life-coach' people's dreams into existence! Not a small order, my friends... considering my dream and Dawn's. She's working with Dawn on creating their own series, and the three of us get together and learn from each other, inspire each other and I get so pumped when I'm around them. People of like mind who have trod the sacred grounds of research and as a result, point me in the direction I need to take.

One such situation happened the other day. We were waiting for Dawn and Jennifer's new refrigerator to show up, so we gathered around their dining table to CREATE! I needed to work on episode 4 of my fantasy mini-series (teaser, beginning of Act 1 and whatnot). I simply mentioned that I need to get what a Showrunner does. Or even a Producer, for that matter. Dawn jumped up and hurried to their back office and pulled out a book to show me. "So You Want To Be A Producer." By Lawrence Turman (released in 2005, so a bit dated, but still... the insight is better than I have now). It was endorsed by (drum roll please) David Brown who Co-Produced JAWS! One of my most favorite movies of ALL TIME! (It set me on a love-affair with sharks at the tender age of 12 years old, tyvm.) 

So You Want To Be A Producer

This was such a thrill that I purchased my own copy. Dawn has such a love for the craft of movie-making that she's expanding my horizons on how to delve into areas I didn't allow myself to even consider thinking about. Had I known back when I was in High School I would be pursuing this avenue for my life almost 40 years later I would have cracked down and chosen Film Making as my major. (Not enough family support: "Stop dreaming. Get a job that's SECURE!") You get the idea.

Folks, I want to LEARN! I don't just mean how to write a script. I want to learn EVERYTHING I CAN about how to get a story from script to screen and all things in between! It's exciting and challenging and, for me, now that I'm retired from the day job, WORTH MY TIME! I know it's not all glory and rewards, I get that. It's HARD WORK! But... it's a passion I cannot ignore. Bring it on, Cupcakes! 

Creativity awaits and the studying will commence! The book is on its way and I am on the lookout for more books. Hey, Dawn... let me check out your library! Heeeeeee!

Write On!

-Jan

Past Wounds Coming To The Surface...

Am reading The Bible of The Adversary by Michael W. Ford and though I am soaking it in bit by bit this bit really struck home, because blind faith means we have no idea WHAT or WHO we are putting our faith in. "Reject anything calling on blind faith! EXPERIENCE AND VALIDATE (emphasis his), use the talents you already possess to motivate your imagination and begin gaining power. Only once you validate the spirit can your success become 'faith.'" After reading and underlining this I wondered how I began to question the Bible five years before actually allowing myself permission to acknowledge those questions. It led me to some painful memories of how I had manipulated others into 'accepting Jesus.' It was yet another emotional breakthrough for me this morning and the tears are still flowing. I had no right to play 'god' to anyone! It was not right to religiously manipulate them into going to church and feeling guilty so they would go up and say the 'sinner's prayer.' I wanted them saved. I know now whatever path they chose to take, I had no business taking them off their course. Yes, they ultimately made the choice, but I was the one who pointed the way through manipulation. Looking back on it now it really drove home how I'd felt manipulated over my life in certain areas and with certain people. I would stop at nothing to get those I loved into church and get them 'saved.' If they've been hurt by my walking away from Christianity, I get it, but damn if I'm not feeling that pain, too, but in reverse. I'm sorry. Your paths were your own and to coerce you into submitting to 'blind faith', man... that's a pain that I have to come to terms with. This is all part of the Left-Hand Path, owning up to responsibility for actions past and present. I see where the energies moved in my life as a result. I was judgmental. Then when I left Christianity, I was judged. It struck home hard this morning. I'm okay now, but the light of realization flummoxed me. I'm able to move beyond it now, but this is the third emotional breakthrough I've had since I began walking this path. I was told this would happen... and I'm okay with it. It means it's working, cleaning up past wounds to heal them and move forward. Ave' Lucifer! -Jan

It's PRIDE Month... just some Non-Binary musings...

Howdy to all who are celebrating PRIDE this month! 

This month has given me an opportunity to truly embrace who and what I am. Under the Non-Binary umbrella I am 'Agender.' This means I do not associate with feminine or masculine genders. I have no gender. I am biologically female, but that's where such identification stops. I have chosen the pronouns: They/Them/Their. 

A friend asked what to call me as in the term 'Sistermine.' She was wonderful in asking because she showed her desire to be respectful. It took me a few minutes to consider the question. I had learned that the initials NB for Non-Binary are spelled out as 'Enbie.' So I came up with 'Enbiemine.' Of which she and I both loved that term, and she now uses it when addressing me. 

I belong to a few groups on Facebook such as:
Aces, Aros and Enbies
As well as 
Non-Binary Friends & Support

They post quite a few amusing memes and some wonderful news and information.

It was only within the last two weeks that I chose the all-encompassing 'They/Them/Their' pronouns. I figure it's what I feel about myself so why not just go all the way? I even got my hair cut to celebrate and to also get rid of the burden in taking care of my once lengthy hair. (Seriously I'd gotten tired of it and needed it short.) It's not more masculine nor is it more feminine... it just is, but it has helped me to embrace my lack of gender easier. 

A friend mentioned she could get me a referral for top surgery if I chose to go through with that. As much as I despise my breasts, I'm 56 years old now and I doubt seriously I'll go that route at this stage in life. Not to mention it's elective surgery, if I understand it correctly, and I would probably have to pay out of pocket. Yeah, I'll just ignore the pests for now and save a huge chunk of change, tyvm. 😉 However, I did purchase a breast binder as I can't stand wearing bras and without them it's a bit uncomfortable, jiggly-wise. (Sorry, but it's the best description I can do for the moment.)

So, this is the new news from the Non-Binary front regarding yours truly. As for the Asexual and Aromantic areas, Still Ace and Aro. (Yeah, no... not a phase.) Also, some Redbubble designs I found that are really cute, such as Triple A batteries: Asexual, Aromantic, and Agender. and another 'The A Team'. 😁 It feels good to realize I'm not alone. 

Check out Redbubble, they've got a lot to offer! And no, no one paid me to say that. 😋

Once again, Happy Pride and catch you all when next I have something to share! 

-Jan

 

Why Are We Here? LHP Musings...

"The central question now becomes: what is the way in which this conscious, free soul is going to relate to, or seek to interact with, the objective universe or the universe as a whole? The right-hand path answers this question simply by saying that the subjective universe must harmonize itself with the laws of the objective universe—be that envisioned as God or Nature. Humanity is to seek knowledge of the law, and then apply itself to submitting to that law in order to gain ultimate union with the objective universe, with God, or with Nature. The right-hand path is the path of union with universal reality (God or Nature). When this union is completed the individual self will be annihilated; the individual will become one with the divine or natural cosmic order. In this state the ego is destroyed as “heaven” is entered or a nirvana-like existence/nonexistence is “attained.” This is clearly the goal of all orthodox Judaic, Christian, Islamic, or Buddhistic sects.

"The left-hand path considers the position of humanity as it is; it takes into account the manifest and deep-seated desire of each human being to be a free, empowered, independent actor within his or her world. The pleasure and pain made possible by independent existence are seen as something to be embraced and as the most reasonable signs of the highest, most noble destiny possible for humans to attain—a kind of independent existence on a level usually thought of as divine."

Flowers Ph.D., Stephen E. Lords of the Left-Hand Path: Forbidden Practices and Spiritual Heresies. Inner Traditions/Bear & Company. Kindle Edition.

It's said in UFO Communities, as well as many Mind Science Philosophies, that we are here to regain our connection to the 'Creator. The All That Is.' But… if we are already connected to the Creator before we incarnate on this world… what's the purpose of our incarnation? To EXPERIENCE life on this world in all its forms and perceptions. Basically, Mommy and Daddy Creator allow us to 'leave home' and experience our life on an independent path. Why? So that we can share all we experience. I love the second paragraph of this section from "Lords of the Left-Hand Path." What it does for me is clarify the reasons we're born on this planet -- To be independent and to learn how to work that independence through our mastering energy. How is that done? Through learning how subjective reality can be worked via magick using objective reality. Anassa has a video on what she calls the "Human Sphere of Creation ©" She goes over Objective Reality, meshing, in a sense, with our Subjective Reality. Fascinating stuff, but a bit confusing for me so I need to watch it again, but I get the gist of what she's saying.

We're here to experience life in this physical world, full of emotions – what we perceive to be either good or bad. Full of extremes -- good or bad. And how do we handle it? Do we play the Victim card and simply let this life roll over us in waves without learning how to manhandle it from our own subjective conclusions? How do we turn that thinking around? What is magick? How can we learn to transform our reality? We're in a classroom and we are learning every single day, but how many of us realize that's why we're here? We're independent souls. Trying to 'get back home' is not the purpose of this life. Trying to 're-connect' with Creator is not the purpose. We're already connected to Creator. (I believe we are all God, manifested in souls taking part in a learning experience to grow and expand universal creation.) But to what end? What is the purpose of the Left-Hand Path?

I guess what I love about the second paragraph is that it reminds us there's truly a purpose to why we're here and it's not to subject ourselves to submission to outside forces. It's to experience our own individual life-force here… now… and to realize that whatever Creator force is 'out there' is experiencing that life-force through us. My beliefs on this may change as I get deeper into the LHP's (Luciferianism in particular), but that will be because I'm understanding it more and more. My awareness will continue to expand as I learn. Very, very exciting!

Ave Lucifer!

--Janalyn 

The Purpose of Ritual & The Human Sphere of Creation©