For the time being, Social Media is not necessary for my life. Some interesting insights came my way this last week, when I had a mental encounter with myself and found I did not like what I was becoming in spirit.
The anger of everything had succeeded in almost sending me into a severe and angry state of mind, scaring the shit out of me and causing me to head home and hide under my covers. It wasn't
serious-serious, but it was enough to make me ask a burning question: What the hell was I doing immersing myself in constant and flagrant attacks of negativity through Facebook and Twitter?
I also discovered another thing: I'm out of synch with others. I'm literally walking out of phase with how others think. I've been that way all of my life. I never think the way others do. I think differently. I asked a simple question on a community Facebook page to assist in learning new terms within that community popping up seemingly everyday. It appeared they were label-addicted and I was being overwhelmed in the Asexual community with a need to understand these labels that sprang up practically everyday. I asked a simple question as to where I could find a website that could help newcomers like me become more acquainted with these terms and meanings and I was basically told, "We can't think for you. Look it up on Google." And then they turned it into an argument saying I was out to discredit their "identities."
Look, first of all I was only asking a simple question to help me and other newcomers like me into immersing into 'identities' and becoming more aware and knowledgeable. A community, from what I understand, is to help others like them. I am new to this world and the label scenario was becoming too much for me. And then to be rudely chastised for asking for help... well, let's just say I pulled out of that community rather quickly. I didn't go there to be told, "You're on your own. Make do."
A community feeling segregated and pushed aside... and this was how I was treated. Then I posted my feelings about another topic on my own page on Facebook, and was talked down to as a result by someone who couldn't be bothered with how I felt about his talking down to me. I just made a comment about a band that I was only now getting more familiar with and he had to chime in and flaunt his knowledge about them, info-dumping on me and making me feel stupid. And when I commented on this, he came back with: "Don't let the small stuff bother you. Life is too short."
And he wonders why women don't speak up about abuse. Being shoved aside, making us feel like what we feel is invalid... yeah, that's the attitude women need. Sure thing, cupcake. Keep on keeping on. (insert sarcasm here). All I did in both cases was make comments based on how I was viewing things and how I felt about things and I was shoved aside.
It made me realize: I'd been shoved aside most of my life. And if truth be told, that was where the anger came from. In 24 hours I'd been 'shoved' aside in two separate instances. I got furious. I just wanted to go home and deal with it my own way. And the only way I can deal with it is to hide. I HAD to pull away from the world. I'm still in hermit-mode as we speak. I deactivated my Facebook account. I haven't been on Twitter. And you know what? I'm learning things about myself... that I truly am out of synch with the rest of the world. I traipse my paths, I think DIFFERENTLY than others do.
It's a mean awakening to find you're walking out-of-step with others. That your thoughts are over here and theirs are over there and never the twain shall meet. But... this has been me all of my life. I didn't see it until today. It hit me out of the blue. I'm out of synch. I never have been 'in synch.'
As of yet I have no idea how to deal with this revelation--except to steer clear of people who choose to be mean and seek to pick a fight simply to feel 'persecuted'. Or to feel mentally superior. When a person asks a legitimate question out of confusion, they don't need to have their hand slapped and told to figure it out for themselves. If all I want is to praise a band, I don't need a treatise from someone who has more knowledge of that subject than I do only to hear themselves talk. And when I make my feelings known, I don't need said person to tell me to just 'shrug it off, don't let the small stuff bother you. Life is too short.'
People need to be heard when they are putting their thoughts and questions out there! Not told to metaphorically 'shut up.' Yeah, I got angry and all I wanted was to hide from the world and calm down. I pulled away from Social Media because I need a break from the world. Right now it's gotten mean and nasty out there, and not just from my two encounters. The news is full of nasty, mean, hate and horrors, and I honestly don't give a shit if we are nuked at this point. We've become so fucking self-centered that after decades of being treated like this, someone like me can only deal with their anger about it by running and hiding.
So think about this when someone asks an honest question or pours an honest feeling out there. Yeah, they may not know how to bring it up, how to present it, but a little compassion and a lot less spouting off and more; 'I'm listening... how can I help?' would probably make things a bit better. I'm probably never going to go back onto Facebook. It's too negative for me and frankly, I can better handle things from the quiet of my own inner-sanctum.
Maybe that's just how I am and who I'm supposed to be. I truly understand people who need to hide from the world. I've always felt that need... and it made itself a huge neon sign this past week.
Until I can get my act together, I'll only be posting on this blog. As of now, I'm still dealing with this 'out-of-synch' revelation. Maybe I was never to be in step with the world. Maybe I was always meant to walk the 'road less travelled'.
By the way, since leaving Social Media, I've finished another script and outlined another in 24 hours. 24 hours to get angry, another 24 hours to find MY feet, MY steps to travel. I'm thinking that's a constructive trade-off.
Until next time....
Travel whatever road you need to travel, but make sure you keep your own rhythm and fuck-all to everyone who doesn't want to travel that rhythm with you.
