Moving Forward

So, I deactivated my Facebook account this morning. I may end up deleting it altogether but given my past patterns -- doubtful.

I'm going to become a hermit for a few weeks. Only going out for errands and such, which is what I'm doing anyway, but with more a deliberate intent behind the decision.

My goals in the days ahead are:
1) Clean the house when I can and my back allows
2) keep writing and working on scripts
3) Study Luciferianism
4) Study Photoshop and Blender

I have all I need to do these things, so today I'll be writing and possibly getting into Blender studies (Blender is a 3D animation program. I'd like to give it a shot for some ideas I would like to do in future.)

As for the Luciferian thing, yeah, the daemons have made their move on my life, hence the shadows coming to the surface, and I'm ready to meet and work with them. A bunch of stuff came up this week that I need to learn to acknowledge and not turn from.

I'm more drawn to Luciferian than Satanism, but I do enjoy looking into Satanism, too. One thing I heard on YouTube yesterday, from an interview Anton LaVey once did: "Satan is to be studied, not worshipped."

It's a philosophical way of thinking. Luciferian is a philosophy as well. Anyway, it's where the interest is, so onward and upward.

Take care and stay safe out there. Covid hasn't gone away, no matter how much people would like to wish it has.

-Jan

AdHd and the Wonderful World of Being Unfocused

So, I finally decided to seek out an official diagnosis of having ADHD.

Turns out I do have it, and they have me scheduled for a psychiatrist appointment at the beginning of July. They'll ask me some more questions and try to determine what form of treatment/medication may assist.

Problem: Lack of focus. I lose interest quite a bit in the area of listening and reading. I have to fight to read sentences, again and again, to figure out what they're trying to convey. I, many times, have to finally read the sentence out loud in order to force the focus into play.

The frustration has reached an anger level that I just get angry with people at the drop of a hat. This could be because of the Covid situation, though I'm fond of isolating myself. It could be I've isolated too much and have no means to really vent except through Facebook. Yeah, that's a real big help there. *sarcasm*.

Facebook: the negativity mine-field of Social Media.

I've gotten into two arguments this last week. I've slipped into severe Depression and, though I won't do anything because of it, some fleeting (or what the therapist who questioned me this week referred to as 'passive) suicidal thoughts. The idea of what purpose is it all for keeps shooting through my mind and I'm tired.

Even the writing is taking a break for a few days because I honestly cannot stand dealing with anything in the world right now, even my own careless whispers.

I flip-flop from back to forth between positive and negative, between spiritual paths and between anger and playing 'don't-worry-be-happy.' And I think whatever's happening in the noggin is starting to leak out instead of drip-drip out.

At the risk of sounding like I'm avoiding the world -- yeah, I am. For my own sanity.

I'll keep you all posted. If anyone out there is interested.

Moving right along.

-Jan