Past Wounds Coming To The Surface...

Am reading The Bible of The Adversary by Michael W. Ford and though I am soaking it in bit by bit this bit really struck home, because blind faith means we have no idea WHAT or WHO we are putting our faith in. "Reject anything calling on blind faith! EXPERIENCE AND VALIDATE (emphasis his), use the talents you already possess to motivate your imagination and begin gaining power. Only once you validate the spirit can your success become 'faith.'" After reading and underlining this I wondered how I began to question the Bible five years before actually allowing myself permission to acknowledge those questions. It led me to some painful memories of how I had manipulated others into 'accepting Jesus.' It was yet another emotional breakthrough for me this morning and the tears are still flowing. I had no right to play 'god' to anyone! It was not right to religiously manipulate them into going to church and feeling guilty so they would go up and say the 'sinner's prayer.' I wanted them saved. I know now whatever path they chose to take, I had no business taking them off their course. Yes, they ultimately made the choice, but I was the one who pointed the way through manipulation. Looking back on it now it really drove home how I'd felt manipulated over my life in certain areas and with certain people. I would stop at nothing to get those I loved into church and get them 'saved.' If they've been hurt by my walking away from Christianity, I get it, but damn if I'm not feeling that pain, too, but in reverse. I'm sorry. Your paths were your own and to coerce you into submitting to 'blind faith', man... that's a pain that I have to come to terms with. This is all part of the Left-Hand Path, owning up to responsibility for actions past and present. I see where the energies moved in my life as a result. I was judgmental. Then when I left Christianity, I was judged. It struck home hard this morning. I'm okay now, but the light of realization flummoxed me. I'm able to move beyond it now, but this is the third emotional breakthrough I've had since I began walking this path. I was told this would happen... and I'm okay with it. It means it's working, cleaning up past wounds to heal them and move forward. Ave' Lucifer! -Jan