When I was in the first
grade, I suffered an accident on the playground monkey bars during recess. I
fell and landed in a straddled position on a step-bar. I believe, though I have
never even considered this until recently, that I may have fractured my pubic
bone as a result. There's no diagnosis to verify it, I don't think there can be
after 45+ years, but….
The reason I mention
this incident will become clear in future posts.
About a year later
after my mom divorced an alcoholic dad. When I was in second grade she married
another man who at first made my brother and I feel like we were the be all and
end all of his existence. He made my mom feel that way, too. He wanted a
family, or so we thought. Mostly he wanted child slaves and a woman he could
control through fear.
He also wanted a child
to 'play with'. Around the age of 7 began the cycle of a five-year sexual abuse
scenario with a year off in between when my mom tried to leave this man the
first time. It's a bit complicated time-wise. Let me clear things up.
Mom married this
step-fucker (you've heard of step-monsters for step-mothers? My step-fathers
don't deserve even THAT title. Step-fuckers is about right, yeah), in I believe
it was 1971. I'm a bit confused as to the year due to loss of memory due to the
traumas my brother and I experienced as a result of this man. We moved to
Oklahoma from California about two weeks after they got married and it took us
about a week to get to our destination. When we got there, it was during the
last two weeks of school, which there was no point in enrolling my brother and
I as we would only have had two weeks left of second grade for me. (Though we
did attend Summer school during that year to make up for lost time during the
move and missing the final two weeks of school.) My older brother would have
been in fourth grade.
It was between 71 and
72 that my mom divorced Step-fucker #1 and we moved back to alcoholic
biological father in Colorado Springs for a year. During this time at the age
of 9, I suffered a severe horseback riding accident where I fell off a
galloping horse and landed on my upper back and hit my head, causing a major
concussion. I would later develop arthritis in the neck vertebrae resulting in
what would be termed 'Military Neck', where the natural curve of the vertebrae
disappears making the cervical vertebrae straight. Degenerating discs on top of
this. The pain truly began in 1983 and has never stopped. Sometimes, thankfully
very rarely, it gets so bad that it's like flame shooting up into my head and
making me wish for death. I've suffered such levels of pain at least 4 times in
my life since the onset of the condition. It's enough to become suicidal as
NOTHING helps the pain to fade off except time. No pain killers, no bed rest,
no NOTHING. As I said those instances are rare, but the chronic level of pain
on a stage from 1-5 (5 being suicidal) I'm at a steady 3.
Ironically the only
time I didn't feel any pain at all was the day after my first time ever getting
drunk at the age of 52. My friend made sure I drank enough water to keep me
from having a hangover the next morning. No hangover and absolutely NO PAIN. I
can't tell you what THAT felt like. Unfortunately, by the time I went to bed
the effects wore off and the pain returned, but for a day I was FREED. I've not
gotten drunk since (I'm 54 now), but sometimes I do wish for the pain relieving
effects of marijuana or Jack Daniels (plus water) to ward off the pain. I'm
many times sorely tempted. 😉
Mind you, this is all a
background history to build up to other areas of my life, so hang in there…
more to follow in future posts. Trust me, it's all leading up to REVELATIONS
and not the kind from the Bible. 😊 To be continued….
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