I've Discovered What and Who I am -- Now What?

Last night I went out with two of my friends, Dawn and Jennifer. We went to Starbucks and spoke of our sexualities. In discovering I am Inter-Gray Gender/Non-Binary (on top of being Asexual/Aromantic) I had no idea what I was to do with this knowledge. Where do I go? What do I do? I discovered what I am and why I'm attracted to certain relationships between men, but not anything between men and women, or women and women (and I'm female.) Now what?

I write Bromance (Brother-friendship) stories and I write Gay Romance. I spoke of this in my previous post. My friend Jennifer is putting together her website to bring people in to help them realize their 'Why' and their purpose. She linked a story I submitted to a former website of How Music Heals. (We're taking a bit of a detour here on this post, going the long way around, but bear with me.) 

This story spoke of how Led Zeppelin helped me fight cancer. (Link to this story is below.) I submitted it in 2014 after I had met Jimmy Page and gave him a letter explaining how his music helped me during a severe cancer situation I went through in 2010-2011. A few years later I went in search of that link and found it had been taken down. Well, I thought that was it. The site was down, the story lost. I never tried to see if it went up somewhere else, there was no redirect link given. Well, okay then. Move along. It served its purpose for the time it was up.

Jennifer, who helped me manifest meeting Jimmy Page, pulled up a link on her cell phone as we talked. "Is this your story? I wanted to make sure it's all there as I'm linking it to my website." When I saw that my story had been posted on the Official Led Zeppelin Forum I was both pleased and surprised. I went through the story and said, "Yes, that's it! I thought it was gone!" I handed the phone back to her and she scrolled down. "You got a lot of comments, really positive comments!" She let me read them and I broke into tears. The comments from people totally blessed me!

Dawn took my hand. "People love you, Jan! You need to tell your stories! You need to put your truth out there!" 

I was honestly in shock, tears, no tears, surprised and calm at the same time. What was happening? We were done with our snacks and we'd sat there for about an hour and it was getting dark. One of the comments was a man who had quoted a line from Led Zeppelin's "Achilles' Last Stand", the song I spoke about in my story. "The mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the earth." To be truthful it was that comment that pulled the tears out of me completely. They were just under the surface until I hit that one comment, and then I couldn't hold them back.

I let out a heavy breath. "I need to listen to my song. Let's split." They all jumped off their chairs with me and we headed out to the car. I plugged in my MP3 player and found Led Zeppelin's "Presence" and hit "Achilles' Last Stand." It poured out of the speakers. 

Another comment was from a woman who said how she was listening to "Achilles' Last Stand" just as she read my story. (Interesting. As I was typing that just now, the word 'Mystery' flew across my mind. My story = Mystery. Weird.) 

In this area, the realization my story was still up, especially on the Led Zeppelin Forum and all the comments given that were positive and wonderfully loving... and my desire to speak of 'Bromance' and how I believe brother-friendships... MALE relationships are so damn important for our society... I began to understand a bit more of how to use my voice for my passions. For so long I've felt like my stories have no place in this world... because I felt like I had no place in this world, that I had nothing to really offer. But maybe I do. Maybe now that I understand why I'm Non-Binary + Inter-Gray Gender... maybe my love of Male Relationships... be they Straight or Gay or anything in between... maybe this is where I truly need to focus my voice. 

I'm a script writer. I have stories I would like to see on TV in either long or short-term series.

So -- what is your story? Find yourselves, babies. Find yourselves and your voice and speak. In NaNoWriMo, their motto is: The World Needs Your Novel. Well, the world needs your story(ies). Find your voice and start sharing!

Namaste'!

How Led Zeppelin Helped Me Fight Cancer